LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIOOOOOOKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/EM9qE5GcdR— SUGE WHITE (@Tweezainshit) February 17, 2019
Dear men of tinder:— Buffalo❄Jill (@Buffalojilll) February 17, 2019
Owning a house isn't a personality trait
Listing the countries you've been to isn't a personality trait
Having abs isn't a personality trait
Owning a dog IS a personality trait though, what's it's name I love it
I've seen some horrible things in my life, but this may be the worst of them all pic.twitter.com/fjneD6rO6j— Bob Lesh (@Bob_Lesh) February 17, 2019
every alley-oop thrown to Giannis from now on must go above the TV screen pic.twitter.com/GxkqV2wPMj— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) February 18, 2019
The Tonight Show pic.twitter.com/SFZpoIZlqU— who pixelates the boatmen? (@pixelatedboat) February 17, 2019
Did You Know: A group of two or more white men is called "a podcast" 💫🐬— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) February 18, 2019
Me: "Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed"— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) February 18, 2019
Friend: "What was that?"
Me: "That was Smash Mouth"
Me: "The band Smash Mouth"
Friend: "That band doesn't exist"
Narrator: "Universal Pictures presents"
I can't tell if this is candy or if I'm being invited to an Eyes Wide Shut-style orgy. pic.twitter.com/g12KHXT8nL— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) February 18, 2019
don't call us "the gays" you fucking corporate account you're not our friend https://t.co/lGaikgqilY— hormonal jew (@misgenders) February 18, 2019
"I didn't need to do this" is something I occasionally say after ordering dessert, not after ordering national emergencies.— Dan Rather (@DanRather) February 18, 2019
Will someone tell the Australian Emily Heller who is using my email address for her job applications that it's a 'no' from Dick's Sporting Goods but Cole's wants an interview?— Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) February 18, 2019
will I understand the Sistine Chapel if I haven't seen 1-15 ?— 𝓝𝓪𝓹 𝓔𝔂𝓮𝓼 (@NapEyes) February 19, 2019
love a restaurant with a hotmail address you know they're focused on the food— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 19, 2019
This John Wayne thing is funny. We go one day without having someone to cancel and twitter is like "let's go to the archives."— Robby Slowik (@RobbySlowik) February 19, 2019
Please sign my petition to rename giving birth "going number 3"— angry wet spider (@birdbutterer) February 19, 2019
Watch Fox News host Tucker Carlson call one of his guests a 'tiny brain...moron' during an interview. NowThis has obtained the full segment with historian Rutger Bregman that Fox News is refusing to air. pic.twitter.com/kERYPUaGLY— NowThis (@nowthisnews) February 20, 2019
Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain! Your words and image will never been forgotten pic.twitter.com/zy8qphvhrM— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) February 20, 2019
finally someone was brave enough to say it pic.twitter.com/046IEpnA4V— Noor ☭🇵🇸🇮🇹🧕🏼♿️ Nug Bug (@MuslimMissWorld) February 21, 2019
Carlos Boozer tagging a national park is the only good Zion tweet https://t.co/VIKJCEg6Bn— Matt Ellentuck (@mellentuck) February 21, 2019
Football player: please God, let my team win— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) February 21, 2019
God: ok sure, that's simple enough
Football player on other team: God please let my team win
God: oh no
Funny how one rich white guy in the white house lies every single day and no one ever says it means we'll stop believing rich white guys.— Liz Plank (@feministabulous) February 22, 2019
At the Doctors office. pic.twitter.com/rQSFglYMsH— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) February 21, 2019
This is one of the best segments in Inside the NBA history and probably television in general pic.twitter.com/OXME40Hb9U— HULK HOGAN, WE COMING FOR YOU NIGGA (@HennyOmega) February 22, 2019
I have!! But I ain't sharing because the last time I shared my invention with someone that looks like you, I got arrested (referring to my english teacher) https://t.co/B0lgZYLAXq— Ahmed Mohamed (@IStandWithAhmed) February 22, 2019
it'd be funny if NFL players got down on both knees next season to support Robert Kraft.— Neal Brennan (@nealbrennan) February 22, 2019
We went to SPACE with no clear idea of what we were going to get out of it. We made the money happen for it even though many thought it a waste of time. We got a LOT out of it & we did it WITHOUT an immediate need to do so.— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) February 23, 2019
My point: we should shoot Dianne Feinstein into space. https://t.co/nuX2dZCoyL
1987, y'all. 1987pic.twitter.com/fwXtWcMJEw— Kamala Harris is a Cop (@BethLynch2020) February 23, 2019