This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: October 23, 2020
October 16
He was trying to cool the planet and she was regrowing the forests.
β KAREEM YASIN (@thekareem) October 16, 2020
And they wanted us to root for... the trust fund billionaire. pic.twitter.com/U9a6VWbAN7
this is how keys are made https://t.co/mV2FlMdkt0
β ππ¦π (@LaMiQiMinach) October 16, 2020
4 years ago I was doing trollies at Sainsburys on a Monday night. I left, worked hard and got a degree from the University of Sheffield. Now I'm doing trollies at Waitrose on a Friday night. Never give up π«π―ππ pic.twitter.com/ikCevoDVCy
β tom de silva (@t0m_deSilv4) October 16, 2020
Peer review is wild. It's like if you took your car to mechanic and one mec said: "we noticed all your doors have rusted out, you should fix those" and another said: "LOVE THE RUSTED DOORS, but have you considered adding a flame thrower?" and a third said: "it's not a horse."
β josh grubbs (@JoshuaGrubbsPhD) October 16, 2020
he pronounces pedophilia like it's an Italian dish his Nonna used to make pic.twitter.com/7pjEIgZApH
β benjy himmelfarb π¦π₯£ (@benjyhimmel) October 16, 2020
October 17
You: 40 years ago--
β Olivia Hofer (@oghofer) October 17, 2020
Me: ah, so 1960
You: No, 1980.
Me: no
this country is ungovernable. Just asking ppl to wear masks has resulted in three terrorists plots to kidnap their state governors. what the fuck.
β b.g. (@Millerheighife) October 17, 2020
Why are trains so expensive? You going that way anyways, just drop me off
β wafi (@wxfis) October 17, 2020
I am having such a hard time with this sentence, did the baby unjustly delete the tweet https://t.co/toWjg498Mm
β Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) October 18, 2020
My dad and I went to a restaurant and the waiter pointed at the QR code on the wall and said "thats our menu" and left and my dad looked at it really close and said "Is this some kind of joke"
β john is toast (@johnistoasted) October 17, 2020
October 18
I miss getting frisked by a gigantic security guard before watching depressed people play guitar.
β Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) October 18, 2020
PRES TRUMP TODAY IN CALIFORNIA: " 'WEIRD AL' WAS VERY MEAN TO MR. COOLIO!! DIDN'T ASK FOR RIGHTS. NOT VERY NICE!" pic.twitter.com/kgF5UFYRLP
β james austin "johnson" (@shrimpJAJ) October 18, 2020
The Simpsons just wrecked Trump pic.twitter.com/wXkbxnewyG
β Fifty Shades of Whey (@davenewworld_2) October 18, 2020
First he stole all of Veep. Now he's stealing from Seinfeld. Melania deserves an Emmy for acting like she's attracted to THIS. https://t.co/tAeQEK7LPh
β Julia Louis-Dreyfus (@OfficialJLD) October 19, 2020
you can leave your front door cracked a lil bit according to a new study conducted by mosquitos and flies https://t.co/mu9lHXCMst
β QUEEN LATIFAH GIMME STRENF (@mattdunnels) October 19, 2020
the lincoln project as soon as the election is over pic.twitter.com/14aCeXgO84
β Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) October 19, 2020
October 19
My acting teacher told us to perform a dramatic monologue from any movie and I did mine from Austin Powers and no one noticed. pic.twitter.com/1ZZtIsJdvE
β Lisa Gilroy (@TheLisaGilroy) October 19, 2020
If only we could have seen this coming pic.twitter.com/YHOUbdFWaI
β Wilson (@VolleyBaws) October 19, 2020
ppl protesting for disneyland to open so they can walk around in the blazing sun for 7 hours to go on 3 rides then have the worst family fight in years and silently drive home
β liz w(erewolf) π§ΈπΈπ (@reservoird0gs) October 19, 2020
I turn on Zoom and see my son treating his body like an AMUSEMENT PARK pic.twitter.com/RP9u75EXV3
β Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld2000) October 20, 2020
Tiffany Trump is what happens when Miley Cyrus dresses up as Ivanka for Halloween. https://t.co/i2aFzzwHss
β Angelina Burnett (@Beckylooo) October 20, 2020
Just checking in to see how the story on Hunter dropping off an incriminating laptop in DE while living in CA to a Trump-fan shop owner whose security footage was wiped and who def saw Hunter but is legally blind, written by Hannity's producer w/ info from Giuliani is holding up.
β Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) October 19, 2020
not wearing them like that no pic.twitter.com/R5HdCaXK01
β k e i t h π€π₯ (@KeetPotato) October 19, 2020
October 20
So this guy had a BLM sign in his yard and this lady started yelling WLM. and he sprayed her πππ pic.twitter.com/J8rAWRn4Wg
β πππππππππππ (@picassjobaby) October 20, 2020
Sept 11 could never happen now. The world trade center is gone. Plus, it's october
β josh 'Boogeyman' (fiendlord99) (@oldfriend99) October 21, 2020
DOCTOR WHO: i have a time machine.
β nate of the living dead (@MNateShyamalan) October 20, 2020
DOCTOR WHOM: the time machine is owned by me
'How are my Indians?' Queen asks Trudeau https://t.co/OIygsh2DQs
β Walking Eagle
ΒLouis CK jerked off at work and everyone was horrified. Jeffrey Toobin jerked off at work and everyone is laughing. Comedians and journalists have truly swapped jobs
β Rachel McCartney (@RachelMComedy) October 21, 2020
Β News (@TheEagleist) October 21, 2020
https://t.co/SznqCx01p8 pic.twitter.com/h3kwP61fOL
β Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) October 21, 2020
Wear a mask. Wash your legs. Don't masturbate at work.
β Franchesca Ramsey (@chescaleigh) October 20, 2020
October 21
Trying to impress her, Kayleigh McEnany hands Leslie Stahl a large book containing the Administration's work on health care. I don't think she expected Stahl to look at the book, because it's blank. pic.twitter.com/TIw3HwQz8S
β Mike Sington (@MikeSington) October 21, 2020
My father, @MelBrooks, is 94. He has never made a political video. Until now. #MelBrooks4JoeBiden#BidenHarris#GrassrootsDemHQ pic.twitter.com/yQZhopSbNV
β Max Brooks (@maxbrooksauthor) October 21, 2020
whoever runs @ChinatownMarket socials, i just wanna talk pic.twitter.com/VvPoMnRnwb
β eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) October 21, 2020
We HATE when people disrespect THE FLAG! pic.twitter.com/8BJUpxmNnf
β The Good Liars (@TheGoodLiars) October 22, 2020
The attorney for the president of the United States of America. Whaddya think, @RudyGiuliani and @realDonaldTrump? @SachaBaronCohen for the Nobel Piece Prize? pic.twitter.com/KiaJFdkJMs
β Keith Olbermann (@KeithOlbermann) October 21, 2020
When Rudy Giuliani does a Borat impression he says "My cousin"
β Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 22, 2020
hey yall just want to give everyone a heads up that i am in the new borat movie. it may seem like i am doing some pretty 'weird' things in it but i was actually just try to punk borat because i knew i was being filmed!
β James Hartnett (@jameshartnett) October 21, 2020
You know how I know this is a lie? Because nobody specifically remembers that time they tucked in a shirt https://t.co/mhDTSJE4t1
β Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) October 21, 2020
October 22
Waited this morning to see if my husband needed to lay down on the bed to tuck in his shirt. Turns out he didn't.
β Claire McCaskill (@clairecmc) October 22, 2020
"It's all talk, no action with these politicians" - the President of the United States
β Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) October 23, 2020
He thinks New York is a ghost town because every time he's here all he hears is "Booo" #Debates2020
β Full Frontal (@FullFrontalSamB) October 23, 2020
When Trump's audit started I was straight.
β billy eichner (@billyeichner) October 23, 2020
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